The Cynic's Word Book - Thomas Ambrose Bierce, Editor.

Merry Christmas - 12/25/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Merry Christmas - phrase. new. [CWB: A phrase, a season, and something that used to be a lot happier before bureaucrats become politically correct and tried to replace it with 'Happy Holidays.' The next thing you know, they will try to replace 'Happy Birthday' with 'Congratulations on not being dead so you can pay more taxes.']

Chain Letter - 12/1/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Chain Letter - phrase. new. [CWB: A letter started by people who have little with which to occupy their time, and forwarded to others by other people who have little with which to occupy their time. A recent email chain letter was received: As a rule, I don't pass along these 'add your name' lists that appear in email, but this one is important. It has been circulating for months. Please keep it going. To show your support for Obama's health care reform, please go to the end of the list and add your name:

Nancy Pelosi

]

R.I.P. - 11/30/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

R.I.P. - phrase. new. [Bierce: A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting am indolent goodwill to the dead. CWB: An abbreviation for Rest in Peace, a phrase found on many gravestones in the 19th and 20th centuries (certainly not 'paix sur la terre' - that's French and far too biblical for our current politically-correct world). It seems as though the separation of church and state have reached a chasm, whereby the phrase Christmas Tree is trying to be retired (and, presumably, will 'Rest in Peace.') To this end, one state government office recently sent out the following e-card, so as not to consume paper, we assume: 'Set your sights on the holiday lights and cocoa around the tree. Join us for the Holiday Tree Lighting -bring the family and visit with Santa!' (Apparently capitalism has not yet been separated from the state.)]

Rope - 11/25/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Rope - n. old. [Bierce: An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal.]

Low-bred - 11/24/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Low-bred - adj. old. [Bierce: 'Raised' instead of 'brought up'.]

Learning - 11/23/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Learning - n. old. [Bierce: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.]

Oxymoron - 11/17/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Oxymoron - n. new. [CWB: Also kown as a contradiction in Terms, an oxymoron is a collection of words that, when used together, contradict each other in an often humorous manner. Four known ways this can be funny (with examples) include: Inadvertent: extremely average, objective opinion, and original copy; Humorous: controlled chaos, open secret, organized mess; Paradoxical: military intelligence, civil war; and, Preposterous (and seen in an email this week): Join us this evening for the Hunger Banquet!! We prefer to celebrate the insanity of 'we shall have a bourbon' because truly intelligent social animals can never have just one (like the Lays Potato Chip advertisement of old: Bet you can't eat just one.)]

Overwork - 11/16/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

.Overwork - n. old and new. [Bierce and CWB: A dangerous condition affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing (or out of the country to hang out with their Internet girl friends), as well as college students who want to play video games]

Friday The 13th - 11/13/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Friday the 13th - n. new. [CWB: (1) A movie series featuring an odd-acting guy in bad makeup; (2) A pseudo-superstitious somewhat-pop holiday with supposed bad luck that annually costs businesses millions of dollars; (3) While everyone else is dwelling on (1) and (2), it is an opportunity for smart people to move forward from Friday the 12th and have a profitable day. ]

Apple - 11/10/2009

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:57:21 EST

Apple - n. new. [CWB: Only one known item is responsible for the variety of like/love/lust, an increased waistline, the destruction of paradise, your grades in school, and lower insurance premiums (apple of your eye, mom's apple pie, Adam and Eve eating the apple, an apple for your teacher, an apple a day that keeps the doctor away) - as well as basic nutrition. ]